30 questions to ask your long-distance partner (by text or call)

Long-distance conversations can dry up fast. “What are you up to?” “Nothing much, you?” — and silence sets in, not from lack of love, but from lack of material. When you no longer share daily life in person, you have to build intimacy another way: with words, and the right questions.

Here are 30 of them, to pick from by text or over a call. Not to fill the void — to bring you closer.

Why good questions matter at a distance

Without the small shared moments (a meal, a commute, a glance), your connection feeds on what you say to each other. A real question — not “you okay?” — gives the other person a door to walk through and share themselves. And it’s often the depth of an exchange, not its frequency, that makes you feel close.

Everyday life (beyond “how are you?”)

1. What was the best part of your day?
2. What made you smile today?
3. What’s been a little draining lately that I can’t see from here?
4. If I were there right now, what would we be doing?
5. What was the first thing on your mind when you woke up?
6. What do you miss most about the days we spend together?

Getting to know each other again

7. What have you discovered about yourself recently?
8. One thing you’ve always dreamed of doing that we’ve never done together?
9. What makes you feel loved, even at a distance?
10. Which memory of us do you replay the most?
11. What do you appreciate about me that you’ve never told me?
12. If you could change one habit in our relationship, what would it be?

Going deeper

13. What are you afraid of right now?
14. What’s been making you proud of yourself lately?
15. Where do you think we are, the two of us?
16. What would you need more of from me?
17. What does a good life look like for you in five years?
18. What from your childhood still stays with you today?

Tender and playful

19. What’s the first thing you’d do when you saw me again?
20. Describe the perfect next weekend, just the two of us.
21. Which song makes you think of me?
22. What small detail of mine do you miss right now?
23. If you wrote me a card tonight, what would it say?
24. When was the last time I made you laugh?

Light ones, for fun

25. Mountains or beach for a holiday — and why?
26. If we had our own restaurant, what would be on the menu?
27. Which film should we absolutely watch “together” from a distance?
28. What animal would you be today?
29. Truth or dare — you pick, I’ll go first.
30. Let’s plan our next trip: what’s the first stop?

How to use them

• One at a time. Thirty questions in a row feels like an interrogation; one question in the evening feels like thoughtfulness.
• Answer too. Ask, then share your own answer — the exchange needs to go both ways.
• Really listen to what comes back: sometimes a light question opens something important (see the emotional check-in).

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Distance tests couples, but it has one upside: it forces you to actually talk, not just coexist. One good question a day is enough to keep the thread taut.

That’s the spirit of CoupleUp’s quizzes and couple games: questions to rediscover each other, even kilometres apart. The app doesn’t fill the silence — it gives you something of yourselves to fill it with.